These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
