If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize