Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just gift wrapped bread.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
