you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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