I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
