the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
