So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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