You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
