I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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