before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize