thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
