you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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