I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
they need to just BURY HIM!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
