I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
