Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
