Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
