Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Someone signed my nipple.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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