you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This is the high leading the old right now
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
