you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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