i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
