He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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