my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
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