you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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