Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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