Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
