that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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