NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
