im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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