Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
