If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
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my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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