I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
