Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize