I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
