So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
