just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Randomize
