a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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