i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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