I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
sarcasm needs its own font
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
