I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
