There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
