Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
