I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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