stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
