Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
