She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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