i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
