I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
