im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My vagina is officially offended.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
