If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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