I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
