I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
