I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
