i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
