Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Can i not drive my cunt home
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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