the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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