sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
