At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
