where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Houston, we have a blender
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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