i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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