He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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