Ketchup is God's man juice
bring money and cleavage
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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