It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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