Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
