What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well I just put wine in my tea
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
