his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
