A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I got inside last night via doggy door
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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