bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
