areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
