in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
