I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
