New invention idea: vibrating tampons
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
