Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize