Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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